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Changing Your Mind About Love:
What you need to know to have the relationship of a lifetime

INDEX
A B C D E F G I L M P R S T U V
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A
Acknowledgement
        Action Guide, 107
        and conflict, 65-66
        and relational communication, 106-107
        as a psychological necessity, 66, 100
Anger, 49-52
        Action Guide, 85
        and its effect on relationships, 49-52
        expression of, 49-52
        individual experience of, 49-51, 77-80
Anxiety
        about being in a relationship, 55-57
        about conflict, 61
        about differences, 42
        about work, 17-19
        Action Guide, 84
        and vulnerability, 53-55
        individual experience of, 80
        physical experience of, 80-81
Arguing, 58-60
        and close relationships, 59-60
        win-lose, 60

B
Beliefs
        about anger, 49-51
        about changing other people, 34-36
        about committment, 67-69
        about differences, 42-44
        about emotions, 73-75
        about empathy, 91-92
        about human nature, 4
        about independence and healthy development, 19-22
        about independence and interdependence, 19-22
        about relationships, 4
        about self-esteem, 45-46
        about sufficient emotional resources, 31-32
        about work, 17-19
        changing, 26-27
        examining, 4-7
Body-mind connection, 77-80
        Action Guide, 80

C
Commitment, 67-69
        and freedom, 67-68
        and mutual relationships, 68
        of both partners, 68
Communication
        Action Guide, 103-105, 107, 112-113, 115, 117
        and acknowledgement, 106-107
        and asking for what you want, 114-118
        and effort, 101-103
        and listening, 101-107
        and mind reading, 114-118
        and relational honesty, 107-112
        and speaking your mind, 113-117
        and the desire to understand, 105-106
        relational, 101-103
Competition, 16-17
Conflict
        and acknowledgement, 65-66
        and compromise, 65
        and differences, 61
        and negotiation, 65
        and resentment, 63
        and win-win, 65
        as an opportunity for learning, 59, 61–63, 64
        avoiding, 63-64
        response to, 69
Cultural assumptions, 14-22

D
Deserving, 29-30
Dichotomous thinking, 60-61
Differences
        and sharing influence, 42-44
        biological, 7
        denial of, 42
        expressing, 43
        inevitability of, 42
        minimizing, 9-10
        ranking, 43-44
Disconnection
        to avoid conflict, 63-64
Divorce, 21-22

E
Emotional awareness, 73-88
        Action Guide, 78
        obstacles to, 73-77
        of anger, 52-53
Emotional experience
        and gender stereotypes, 74-75
        and gut feelings, 77-80
        and thoughts, 48, 82-88
        feelings as signals, 73
        meanings behind feelings, 40-42
        mixed emotions, 47-49
        of anger, 49-51, 86-87
        of anxiety, 86-88
Emotional expression
        and gender stereotypes, 7-9
        and mutuality, 53
        is relational, 49
        of anger, 49-52
Emotional generosity, 31-33
Emotional responsibility, 109-112
Empathy, 92-93
        Action Guide, 91-92, 94
        and disagreement, 95-97
        and gender stereotypes, 97-99
        and stress, 95
        as a choice, 93-95
        barriers to, 99-100
        benefits for relationships, 95
        responding with, 93

F
Frustration, 28-29

G
Gender stereotypes, 7-9
        and emotions, 74-75
        and empathy, 97-99
Gulf View, 7-9

I
Interdependence, 20
Intimacy, expectations of, viii

L
Listening, 101-107
Love
        and committment, 69-70
        feelings of, 70
        true love, 9
Love Conquers All, 9-11

M
Mind reading
        in Unconditional Love, 12
Mutuality, 23-24
        and arguing, 59-60
        and commitment, 67-69
        and emotional expression, 52
        and empathy, 92-93
        and living happily ever after, 118-119
        and need for acknowledgement, 67
        and relational honesty, 107-112
        and resentment, 63
        and trust, 57
        and vulnerability, 55-57
        finding satisfaction in, 30-32

P
Power in relationships, 14-17
        defined as money, 15
        determined by competition, 16-17
        feeling coerced, 36
        power over, 36
        power struggles, 14, 34-35
        ranking differences, 43-44
        resistance to change, 35, 36-37
        sharing influence, 34-46

R
Ranking, 43-44
Receiving acceptance and care, See Unconditional Love, 12
Relational honesty, 107-112  
Resilience, 67-69

S
Scarcity
        of emotional resources, 31
Self-esteem, 45-46
Shared influence, 34-46
        and change, 38
        and compliance, 38
        and differences, 42-44
        and emotional awareness, 38-42
        and self-esteem, 45-46

T
Temperament, 88-89
        Action Guide, 90
        and its effects on relationships, 89

U
Unconditional Love, 11-13
        appropriate and inappropriate, 12
        emotional responsibility, 12

V
Vocabulary of emotions
        Action Guide, 81-83
Vulnerability in relationships, 53-57